Have the Hard Conversations ❤️

September 10 is my dad’s birthday, and every year this day brings more than memories. It brings the full truth of our relationship.

When I think about my dad, I really try to focus on the good things. The things we did together. The laughs. The memories we made. The ordinary moments that probably didn’t seem like much at the time but mean so much to me now.

Because my dad was a wonderful dad.

He was one of the most loving and affectionate people I know. He loved deeply, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. He would do anything for anybody. He was one of those people who would literally give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.

He was also the hardest worker I know. There was nothing he couldn’t fix. If he didn’t know how to do something, he would figure it out. He was always ready to learn a new skill, master something else, or take on whatever needed to be done. He was capable, dependable, generous, and always willing to help.

Those are the things I want to remember.

But there is another part of our story that I don’t want to pretend wasn’t there.

It wasn’t always good.

There was heartbreak. There was broken trust. There were moments I wish I could forget. There were wounds that took years to understand and even longer to heal.

And I want to be clear about that, not because my dad was a bad person, because he wasn’t. He was actually one of the most loving people I know.

People are complicated. Relationships are complicated. And sometimes the people we love deeply can hurt us deeply, too.

For a long time, I thought I had to choose between honoring the good and acknowledging the hurt. Either remember all the wonderful things and push the painful things aside, or acknowledge the pain and somehow allow it to change the way I saw my dad.

But I’ve learned I don’t have to choose.

I can celebrate the dad I loved while telling the truth about the parts of our story that hurt.

Both can be true.

And one of the things I am most thankful for is that our story didn’t end with the hurt.

We were able to talk about the hard things. We were able to be honest with one another. We were able to work through the hurt, and there was restoration in our relationship.

That doesn’t erase what happened. But it changed what came after.

And I am extremely thankful for that.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that our parents are people, too. They have their own struggles, their own wounds, their own mistakes, and their own stories. That doesn’t excuse the things that hurt us, but it can help us see them with more grace.

And if I could encourage anyone reading this, it would be this: have the hard conversations.

Don’t assume that because something hurt you, the love wasn’t genuine. Don’t assume that because someone made a mistake, every good thing they ever gave you was somehow fake.

We’re all human. We all make mistakes. We all fall short. Sometimes we hurt the people we love, and sometimes we’re the ones who get hurt.

That doesn’t make the love any less real.

There are conversations that are uncomfortable. There are things that are hard to say and even harder to hear. But sometimes those conversations are the very things that make room for forgiveness, healing, understanding, and restoration.

You may not get the ending you hope for. You may not be able to repair every relationship. But if there is an opportunity for an honest conversation, don’t be so afraid of the hard that you miss the possibility of something beautiful on the other side of it.

So as I approach my dad’s birthday, I don’t want the hardest parts of our story to be the loudest.

I want to remember the whole story.

The love. The laughter. The hard work. The generosity. The lessons. The memories. The hurt. The forgiveness. The restoration.

I am thankful for the dad who loved me so well.

I’m thankful for the man who would give you the shirt off his back, work until the job was done, fix just about anything, and learn whatever he needed to learn along the way.

I’m thankful for the good memories.

I’m thankful for the hard conversations.

I’m thankful for forgiveness.

And I am incredibly thankful for restoration.

Because God, in His kindness, allowed us to talk through the things that hurt and move forward.

That is a gift I will never take for granted.

Happy birthday, Dad. I miss and love you. ❤️