The beautiful, unexpected gift of friendship
One of the greatest gifts God has given me throughout my life has been friendship.
When I look back over the years, I can think of some pretty incredible people He has allowed me to call friends. Each friendship has its own beginning, its own story, and its own special place in my heart. I couldn't possibly choose one as more valuable than another because God has used each of them in different ways.
I've come to believe that friendship is one of the most beautiful gifts God gives us.
He gives us family. The family we're born into, with all its generational blessings and sometimes the things that aren't quite so beautiful. He gives us our spouse, someone to walk alongside us and share life with. And then, in His goodness, He brings people into our lives who have no obligation to love us, no family ties that connect us, and yet somehow they become family too.
I say it all the time: God doesn't waste a moment.
And the older I get, the more I see that truth woven throughout the friendships He's given me.
When I was younger, friendship seemed to come so naturally. In high school, I felt like I was friends with everybody. Of course, I had my closer friends and my best friend, whose family welcomed me as one of their own. The impact that family had on my life is something I will never forget. That's a story I hope to share another day.
But as life went on, God began bringing people into my life in ways I never could have anticipated.
One particular friendship came during an unexpected season. It almost seemed to come out of nowhere. A conversation here, another there, and before long, something beautiful began to grow.
The interesting thing was that we were incredibly different.
Our childhoods were different. Our experiences were different. The things we had walked through in life were nothing alike.
And yet, God connected our hearts.
That friendship taught me something I didn't even realize I needed to learn. It taught me how to see the world through someone else's eyes. It taught me to listen, not because I understood everything she had experienced, but because I loved her enough to want to understand.
I watched someone who had experienced things I couldn't imagine refuse to let those circumstances determine who she would become. She kept going. She kept fighting. She continued becoming the person she wanted to be.
And I learned from her.
Not because I would ever walk the exact same road, but because God was using her story to teach me something about life, about people, and about myself.
Another friendship came with a very different connection.
Our stories had similarities. There were experiences in our families, including some of those generational things that weren't necessarily blessings, that gave us an understanding of one another.
And there is something incredibly powerful about being understood.
Sometimes you don't have to explain every detail. Someone simply knows.
But here's something that breaks my heart a little when I think about it now. The very experiences that allowed her to understand some of my painful places meant that she had experienced painful things herself.
And because I love her, I wish she hadn't.
Yet God took those experiences, those broken pieces, and allowed something beautiful to grow from them.
We didn't have to stay in those painful places. We could acknowledge them, understand one another, and keep moving forward.
Our children grew up together. We spent time at ballgames, shared experiences, and walked through seasons of raising our families. And somewhere along the way, that friendship became so much more than something built around our children.
It became family.
Both of these friendships have given me something I will always treasure.
These women have seen a lot of life with me. They've seen the good, the difficult, the mistakes, the growth, and yes, some of the junk.
And they still love me.
Are they afraid to tell me something I need to hear? Absolutely not.
Even when I don't particularly want to hear it.
But they have shown me that loving someone doesn't mean avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes love means speaking the truth in a way that encourages someone to grow.
And I'm thankful for that.
Now, at 47, life looks a little different.
The kids are grown. The ballgames aren't filling our calendars like they once did. Schedules have changed, and some of those dear friends aren't just around the corner anymore.
But one of the most beautiful things about these friendships is that we can pick up right where we left off.
Whether it's been a day, a few weeks, or a couple of months, it doesn't matter. We just pick up where we were, as though no time has passed at all.
God created a space in my life for these women that goes far beyond friendship.
They became part of my family.
And I wouldn't trade that for anything.
But lately, I've been thinking about something else.
Just because God has given us beautiful friendships doesn't mean He's finished bringing people into our lives.
I had a conversation with an old friend recently about how difficult it can feel to make new friendships as we get older.
And I understand that completely.
At this point in life, we have our people. We have our families, our routines, and our friendships that have been built over years.
Do we really want to start over?
Do we want to tell our stories again? Allow someone to see the parts of our lives that weren't so beautiful? Risk being misunderstood by someone who doesn't yet know the whole picture?
Sometimes, absolutely not.
I get it.
But then I think about those friendships that mean so much to me today.
What if I had never taken the time to get to know those women?
What if I had decided we were too different?
What if I had been unwilling to let someone see the parts of my life that weren't perfect?
I would have missed something incredibly beautiful.
And I wonder how often we do that without even realizing it.
We meet someone. We have a conversation. Maybe something about that person catches our attention. Maybe we find ourselves sharing something we wouldn't normally share with someone we've just met.
And afterward, we think, Why in the world did I tell them that? I don't do that!
I've been there.
But I'm learning not to automatically question every one of those moments.
Sometimes, I believe God opens a door we weren't even looking for.
That doesn't mean we have to tell everyone everything. Trust still matters. Wisdom matters. And not every person we meet will become a lifelong friend.
Some people may only be part of our lives for a short season. We may never fully understand why our paths crossed or what God was doing in that moment.
But I believe He can use those moments too.
Because God doesn't waste a moment.
And that brings me to something else I've been thinking about.
Friendship isn't just about what someone can bring into our lives.
It's also about what God may want to do through us in someone else's life.
There's somebody out there who may need the deposits your life has to give.
Not because we have all the answers. Not because we've done everything right. And certainly not because our stories are perfect.
But because we've lived.
We've experienced blessings and disappointments. We've made choices, learned lessons, grown, and seen God work in ways we couldn't have imagined.
And what if something He's taught us is exactly what someone else needs?
What if a conversation, a little encouragement, or simply taking the time to listen makes a difference in someone's life?
We won't know if we never give people the opportunity.
I also think we've lost a little something in the way we communicate.
I remember the days of sitting on the phone, stretching that long cord around the corner just to have a conversation with a friend.
Now we can send a quick text and move on with our day.
And don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for that convenience.
But I don't want us to forget the value of actually talking to people. Listening. Asking questions. Taking the time to know someone beyond the surface.
Because that's often where the beautiful things begin.
And sometimes it requires us to be a little vulnerable.
To allow someone to see who we are, where we've been, and how God has transformed our lives.
I think one of the beautiful things about getting older is realizing that our past is part of our story, but it isn't the whole story.
Yes, there may be broken pieces. There may be choices we wish we'd made differently. There may be things we've walked through that we wouldn't wish on anyone.
But so much has happened since then.
God has continued working.
And He's still working.
I tell my students all the time, "You can do hard things."
Maybe this is one of those hard things I need to remember for myself.
Being willing to let someone new into my life. Being willing to see them for who they are, not just who I assume they might be. Being willing to listen to a story that looks nothing like mine.
And being willing to trust that God can use those moments for something meaningful.
Because the truth is, I don't want to miss what He may have for me simply because I've decided I'm too old to start another friendship.
I don't want to become so comfortable with the beautiful relationships I already have that I forget there may be someone else God wants me to know.
And I don't want to be so guarded with my own story that I miss an opportunity to encourage someone through it.
We don't have to force friendships. We don't have to go looking for people to fill spaces that aren't empty.
We can simply be present.
We can notice people.
We can listen.
We can be willing to take a chance when a connection begins in an unexpected way.
And we can remember that friendship isn't always about finding someone just like us.
Sometimes it's about discovering something beautiful in someone whose story looks nothing like our own.
So, to the woman who feels like she already has her people, who doesn't particularly want to start over, or who wonders whether it's worth the effort to let someone new into her life, I want to encourage you.
Don't close the door.
You never know who God may place in your path, what you might learn from them, or what He may use your life to teach them.
Some friendships will last a lifetime. Others may only be for a season.
But each has the potential to leave something meaningful behind.
At 47, I have some incredibly beautiful friendships that I treasure. I pray I never stop appreciating the women God has given me.
But I also hope I never stop being open to the people He may still bring into my life.
Because life isn't over. Our stories aren't finished. And God hasn't stopped working.
God doesn't waste a moment.
And sometimes, taking the chance to know someone, and allowing them to know us, may become one of the most beautiful blessings we never saw coming.